NEW BLOG POST :) It is a ‘Food of the Day’ Post
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Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. - Luke 12:22-23
This verse… wow.. I don’t think a verse could pinpoint my past few days better. If you don’t know what I am talking about — I had two huge revelations the past two day. One regarding my style and clothes and the other dealing with my issues with food.
This verse brought me so much peace and comfort. Life is about so much more than clothes and food and my outward appearance. Life is about growing in relationship with God, Loving God, Loving People and Loving Yourself.
So many epiphanies.
I don’t have a eating disorder.
I have a control issue. I don’t eat too much, I don’t eat to little and I don’t throw it up.
I obsess over if it is the healthiest or the better choice. I obsess over everything I have read and take it to the grave. Once I read something about food it is like imprinted in my mind forever and I can’t get past the fact. Like I did paleo for a while. Now no matter how hard I try I cannot get out of my head that legumes, grains, milk, soy etc are evil. Like I just can’t get past it. t was all about nutrient timeing. When the hell am I supposed to eat fats or more carbs. I just ugh. I just don’t understand. I just wish someone would send me a fact sheet on when I am supposed to eat my healthy foods. And I get so frustrated when i see everyone else succeeding because I am like — what about me I eat just as healthy, we are eating the same stuff, why are you seeing more results than me.
Right now I am battling with the carb factor. I think they are my weakness in mind.
I can’t/don’t understand them. I don’t understand how one side of fitness says carbs are amazing and how people are eating grain or starchy carbs with every meal and have bangin bodies. But on the other end there are paleo people who don’t eat any starchy carbs besides a occasional potato, veggies and fruit.
I get so confused and I am constantly fighting myself with calories.
Constantly thinking this is too much or I ate too little or did I eat to many calories in the wrong macro.
Constantly feeling like I am just one step away from actually being able to see the results I want.. but I just don’t know how to eat for them.
I eat clean… like all the time. My cheats are still pretty damn clean in the grand spectrum (because I can’t indulge on unclean foods because I am allergic to all things ‘unclean’ ha)
But I am sick and tired of being so obsessed over things. So sick and tired of feeling like I am missing the marker. So sick and tired of it all.
but I know if I get more lenient & I see my body change for the ‘worse’ then I will hate myself. I really will. I will feel like a failure.
Pretty much right now. I don’t know what I am eating like. I am just going to try and eat. Eat clean but stay sane. If I eat clean all week and then have a cheat day so be it. If I have a cookie every once in a while through out the week so be it. I don’t know. I just feel like the body I want is not in my future. I don’t want it to be my obsession I don’t want it to be my every thought.
I am going to continue posting on tumblr, but I probably am rarely going to ‘scroll through my dash’ because it just makes me so angry and feel unaccomplished and worthless.
I love you all so much and I am so happy for all of your progress and dedication and love for food and fitness and everything else.
But I have reached my breaking point & I don’t really know the way out but I am going to try and find it.
Chinese 5 spice tilapia on a bed of assorted balsalmic sauteed veggies! #paleo #paleofood #eating #lunch #cleaneating #tilapia #kale #carrots #broccoli #zuchinni (Taken with Instagram)